Tag Archives: mind
HOME..(Mixed media)72×48 inches…A PAINTING FOR MY FIANCEE, MY DAISY..
Some time ago when i was depressed and just to distract myself from that phase I started this painting but ran out of imaginations and ideas because painting was taking the form of cubical,boxes and rectangular forms.I tried to give some feminine touch by painting nude from back at the center bottom of the canvas but i was not satisfied.After watching my confusion and surrealistic thoughts my fiancee,my Daisy after long silence said “i am dreaming of a beautiful face without distortion on right side of canvas just read my mind and do it, i know what you can do,you can do anything but make this painting more feminine”.That day i could not sleep because first time she was telling me to follow her mind without telling me what was in her mind.In the next morning i just started painting a face in portrait form just thinking about her and started seeing my fiancee stare at me through the same spot on canvas where i was creating that face.so i started painting that face and after two days at midnight when i was thinking, looking at face asking myself ,is it enough? At that monumental moment out of the blue my fiancee come from behind, took my brushes,hold my hands,kissed them,still holding my hands looked into my tiered eyes and whispered “You know you painted me there, it is me, how amazing, you really read my mind” and started crying…I just kept my silence and hugged her, i don’t know why it happened next, I slowly fall asleep in her arms,lost in her warmth of love and belief,in the morning when i came out of trance I found myself on floor and her awake with puffy eyes sitting on the floor of my studio holding my head in her lap, smiling, l stared and smiled at her and again went to sleep dreaming and dreaming and dreaming..a fairy tale….yavishtha kaushik
DIFFUSION [OIL ON CANVAS] 72X48 INCHES…………………IT IS NOT FOR YOU…
IT IS NOT FOR YOU…………………It is not for you…………..I tried to write for my website, something in general about what happened with me and about someone who was obsessed with my paintings and me and did some outrageous things on valentine’s day, but someone else thought it is for someone else specific ..And that someone thought it is for them …and I never knew what was in their mind at that time. I was not given a single chance to explain anything and was also very confused about the situation and also about what to explain… this led to major misunderstanding and conflicts which ultimately affected many lives and was responsible for my major social embarrassment. I tried everything at my best to control the situation, used every means to rectify it but could not. I also received threatening calls claiming that, I have an extra marital affair and she is preg…. and….I also have a …son……with someone named………..And they will ruin my reputation in society…they also held me responsible for losing someone specific in their life because of me, and they also told me that they will publish the whole episode in newspapers… I talked about this with concerning people but in vain….And ultimately they did it. Ultimately this whole ominous, evil, disgraceful, purely rumored, promiscuous, critical situation ruined my reputation in my family and society. I fell into the darkness created by these promiscuous devils, even when I am very strong mentally and physically with high values and attitude just because I never anticipated and experienced this kind of ominous disgraceful situation which ultimately becomes the reason for my clinical depression. I stopped everything, covered myself in shame and disgrace and neglected my health by indulging in so many painful things which ultimately deteriorated my health and I underwent two major surgeries for my survival. It took one and a half year to recover mentally and physically but those people are happy to see my disgrace and ruined status.. They also sent a letter and I still don’t know what’s in it. They know me; they know that I don’t take revenge so they are making their mortal castles on my sufferings. They left me wounded and bleeding thinking that I am dead but I am alive and have survived. The truth prevailed and I have started flying again, but my soul has more deep scars now and is ornamented with deadly poisonous spears and weapons. Now it is your choice to either welcome me with good heart and explanations and return my reputation, my grace and respect to me again to the same status where people used to call me sir, used to love and respect me, used to ask permission for anything in my presence, used to feel privileged and honored with my aura and presence, used to touch my feet for my generosity, knowledge and divine powers because everyone is still talking filthy about me and nobody is with me….or be my enemy and prepare yourself for pain for your wrong doings and sins…. believe me you all know me I am Yavishtha and you manipulated and forced your DEVIL to be my friend and he is telling me that yavishtha you believe in GOD, you even believe in their GOD, and GOD is going to raise Hell in their life and world. Now I am transformed and GOD and DEVIL both are with me. I am just waiting for the other shoe to fall……… .………………………………………………………………………………………………………………WHAT I WROTE WAS….………………………………………………………………………….
I am still trying to understand why people fall in love with me. A person like me who does not even talk with people, does not make eye contact, does not socialize, have lots of fears who fortunately hate love, what they mean!.. Yes…I hate love and I explain it to everybody if they try to enter my circle & if I somehow unfortunately talk with them why they feel privileged and shed their mask in front of me? Why they say I love you because, I love your attitude, your very expressive large eyes, your beautiful delicate shapely hands, and touch and body language? Why so many have said that my eyes have something supernatural, metaphysical, and something paranormal? Why they also perceive these things in my hands and touch? It is their perception…Am I responsible for it? For me these are just normal anatomical structures. I am ill-mannered, inconsistent, ill-tempered raw person, look at my hairstyle, look how shabbily I dress myself, my behavior, my abusive language, my bitter truthful talks, submissive, psychotic, cynic person, and they say I have attitude. Why don’t they try to understand that if someone is not good enough we try to find some goodness in him, why don’t you perceive pain and sufferings in my eyes if they are expressive? Why do they feel hurt when I say I hate love, I have fear of love? I ask to you all why you don’t simply love me if you love me. My conscience in love is covered with thick south so I can’t reciprocate but my soul is very good mirror it can reflect you all, why don’t you perceive this. Why hurting yourself at extremes in obsession without thinking whom you are hurting indirectly.
I am responsible for your hurts and sufferings because of my existence and believes, it hurts me more if someone hurts themselves because of me, I know how much mental trauma and suffering hurts and I punish myself for your every painful breath my GOD knows it. Next time, if it happens I will first pull out my eyes with my fingers than cut my hands at elbows and bleed myself till my soul leaves my body, believe me you all know me I am Yavishtha, Now you understand why I create pain ? Stones can talk, Stones can talk and you can hear it if you have the capacity to bear the pain of your efforts, holding chisel and hammer to carve it according to your imaginary demands, believe me and listen they speak with every stroke of your hammer on chisel, but you can’t hear it because of your all senses are occupied in carving it.
If someone even after my deliberate blocks enters my circle and express their love and after this when they try to match themselves with my conscience and truth, why do they get confused and then why they try to escape hurting me? Is it because their demands are not fulfilled? When does love need verbal declaration and means to fulfill your demands?
Can anyone tell me why every time it happens with me whenever I unfortunately talk with someone and believe me this happened with me recently, by someone to the same extent it happened in past so many times, by doing the same things!!! Yes !!! Lust, obsession, love, concealment, avoidance, neglects, refusing to recognize me even because it was impossible for me to cater to the demands and fulfill what was in their mind. All these bad things happened even after my exercising caution, not to allow indulgence in these things and in my dimensions, I was not involved. It is something in your mind, it is your expression, it is your anticipated social problems, it is your escape, it is all done by you but why blame me for everything and treating me like an evil monster. I am same, the same Yavishtha with some more hurts that’s all. I have mentioned this episode because I have predicted and written in short about this on back pages of my diary in past. Everything happened as predicted even after my herculean efforts to change the situation and circumstances, and this time I was very conscious and more matured but a hurt is a hurt and even after knowing it is going to happen, I think it hurts more. No one tells me about my mistakes I may have committed… I just want to talk it out because if someone doesn’t understand me, it is O.K. don’t understand me but why misunderstand me? This is grave because I am what I am… is it my mistake and weakness that I want to talk and listen!! To make things normal !! Is it my mistake that I don’t behave or act according to you or your wishes and demands!! Is it my mistake that I don’t have any demands!! Is it my mistake because of these things I hate love since my adolescent!! Is it my mistake that I never ask who you are? Do you think I am a beggar!! So show up pity or in pity you are giving something to me!! No I am not… In spite of every filth with me, everyone loves me, recognizes me, regards me but if you can’t sustain your feelings and ignore my presence and creativity and don’t recognize me even, people think it is an insult to a great soul, so I have to react and big fishes have big mouth don’t you know that !! I tried to give you my knowledge in everything, gave you the ultimate feeling of being on top of the world and these things need respect and faith to sustain and maintain in that state but your lack of faith and respect is not my mistake or concern!! Just think about it and ask yourself what you have done and then, why I became like this?? The question should be, do I love,.. No… then,,, do you love me?…NO… I love everything GOD has created and absence of love is called hate so I don’t hate anyone, I love my kind of love which does not need verbal explanations, expectations, demands and declarations even.., you can perceive it. What do I possess which others don’t.?? What do I have? & why they say this. You are trying to climb the mountain and you don’t have the capacity and tolerance to bear the pain of your efforts… believe me…..yavishthaart.com